We continue in the study of "The Book of Chivalry" by Sir Geoffri de Charney. In this post the author discusses the Order of Marriage and the purposes of marriage (in the time of the Middle Ages). I will comment on how his viewpoint is relevant for the Modern Warrior in regards to conduct in Marriage.
The authors states the following regarding marriage:
There are three possible ways of entering into marriage. Some men and women marry when the man has no carnal knowledge of a woman, nor a woman a man, and they do it more for love than for greed for riches; such as marriage is good.... There are some who pay no regard to the person when entering into marriage, but do so out of greed for riches; in the case of those who marry more for gain than any other pleasure, it is unlikely that any good will come of it.... It is those who conduct themselves most properly in the order of marriage who live joyfully and pleasantly.
To the Modern Warrior who faces the endless days of private loneliness; it is not unusual for one to think for days on end on who they will choose to marry so that to battle and overcome their ego or inner demons. This is a reality that I face everyday, not a thought goes by without me looking at a woman in the hopes that she would be my wife one day. But that is the ego speaking and not my rational self. The distinction between the ego and the rational warrior self must be defined and established by the individual warrior. It is by Logic, Reason, Virtue, True Chivalry, True Bushido and all of Warrior Philosophy that we Modern Warriors govern if not rule our minds and actions by.
It is for this reason that when it comes to Marriage, the Modern Warrior must always conduct him or herself in a rational and discerning manner. For Marriage is naught but a committed relationship in which the deepest and hidden parts of the soul are exposed to the significant spouse. This exposure is not intended to criticize or to tear down character or integrity but rather to establish trust and mutual commitment.
According to the author, the Warrior must enter marriage with the understanding that he/she cannot enter into marriage for sake of riches or endless days of pleasure that degrades an individual to moral and physical apathy. Rather the Warrior must enter into marriage with a spouse that shares the same beliefs, ethics, morals (Warrior Philosophy, True Chivalry, True Bushido, Logic, Reason and Virtue) and goals for the long run for life. This must be the mutual foundation between both Warrior Spouses for the marriage to be based on. Emotions, wishes and dreams are temporary but commitment remains rooted in reality and stays there forever.
The Modern Warrior must never fall into a marriage that was started on physical/carnal pleasure only to find out that dissonance resides in the relationship. For this is the most destructive thing that can happen to a Warrior. When one's private self is exposed to the wrong person, the feeling of alienation, rejection, depression rooted in melancholy, hatred and self loathing fills the mind and is manifested in unethical, immoral actions. Therefore, the Modern Warrior must always practice Virtue, True Chivalry as a lifestyle not relegated to a system of belief. The Modern Warrior must never enter into a marriage where money is the primary motive. For riches and wealth can appear one day and can vanish in a single moment. True wealth lies in having few wants while having what is needed to live in this world. Therefore, the Modern Warrior must never be a gold digger but rather a seeker of Truth and a Protector of Virtue and Honor in service to all mankind.
The true marriage that the Modern Warrior must enter in is one that both partners share the same moral/ethical foundation and are committed to each other in action and vows. Even when building a family, they ought to conduct themselves as role models and teachers to their children. For morals can be learned by seeing the private conduct of the parent. Even with the passing days that can be redundant, mundane, repetition of the same routine, constant waiting the Warrior Couple stand firm in conviction of Life that is lead by Virtue.
Therefore Valiant Warrior, choose wisely the one who you will call your spouse. Remember, Discernment and Wisdom will be the standard for which you enter into Marriage.
